I loved my bed frame.
I remember moving out of my parents’ house and into my own apartment. Seeing my then-new bed being assembled and admiring the finished product just gave me a sense of independence. It somehow symbolized a new me – someone who changed what was to be a my cultural norm: moving out of my parents’ house. To many, it may sound like a silly accomplishment, but it surely wasn’t for a young Filipino woman. There I was, still a newly college graduate who was ready to conquer the world – or so I thought. I never knew life would kick me in the ass.
For about a year, life was manageable. I wasn’t where I wanted to be, but I was fairly content and optimistic about a better future. Then, everything that could happen at the wrong time, happened. In a timespan of about 4 months, an abscess formed in my throat resulting in an emergency procedure; rats chewed up my car wires that costed more than I wanted it to and my student loan repayment grace period ended. On top of it all, I got a new job that I’m not passionate about. I know, there are PLENTY of people who have it worst than I do, but it did bring me to some sort of mild depression. There wasn’t a day that went by I didn’t cry about everything going wrong. Financially, mentally and emotionally I was stressed. But you know what? In the midst of it all, I found love; and that alone makes all this adversity bearable.
My upbringing has influenced me to keep my guard up – it takes a long time for me to be able to trust anyone. My boyfriend and I are in a whirlwind relationship and I never would’ve guessed a little over a year ago, I’d be moving out of my apartment and moving into his condo. I was hesitant when this idea came to mind because I felt like my independence would no longer be valid. People usually come to me for help, advise and just someone who exhibits an action of care. These small, but stressful adversities has challenged me to accept help from someone who possesses the same characteristics people usually see in me.
Accepting help from someone is a huge change for me; but what’s special is that this wonderful man I have has taught me to trust someone. He’s taught me how to compromise, how to challenge myself and how to love. He’s taught me how to accept things we have no control over and how to make the most of every trial. He’s taught me how to be happy and to put myself first. He’s my confidant, my lover and my best friend.
As materialistic as I may sound, I cried when I found a buyer to purchase my bed. Reality finally set in – the object symbolizing my independence was soon to leave me. A few tears, sweet kisses and comforting hugs later, I realized what I’ve been saying all along was wrong – I DO fear change. But what is life if we don’t experience change? If we don’t experience vulnerability? I get it now – I’m not attached to the bed itself, but attached to the image of my “independence.” I was single for a long time before I met him, so becoming a “we” has been difficult; but oh boy am I the happiest I’ve been with anyone. In the end, I had to remind myself one thing – to not cheat myself out of happiness. Yes, I’m independent in the sense that I rarely rely on others for anything – it’ll always be tough for me to do so, but I ned to get rid of that ego. This person I’m with loves me unconditionally and I’d trust him with anything. I know this path we’re choosing together will enhance our relationship to be an even better one and most of all, I’ll be truly happy; something I haven’t felt in so long.
I’ll still miss that damn bed though.