Since I was young, I was never “skinny.” As I think back to elementary school gym class, I remember the embarrassment I felt whenever we were tested on pull-ups or mile runs. Out of the 25-30 students, I was one of the very few who could never pull herself up, one of the last to finish the mile runs and got frustrated when I couldn’t get myself past 3 bars as I was playing on the monkey bars. While I felt embarrassed, what was amazing about elementary school was that my peers, the people I called friends, never really noticed my lack of physical abilities nor mentioned that I was a little chubbier than the average 9 year old. Those certainly were the days. Flash forward to middle school – the complete opposite. As I began to grow into my “tween” years, it was more noticeable, at least to me, that I was bigger than the other girls. Though it wasn’t often, I had moments where I was called “fat” or “big.” It was then that I procured body image issues and lacked self-esteem. High school was a little different. I never was made fun of for my weight, but I think the mean things kids said to me in middle school really took a toll on me. High school is a place where you make a few of the best memories in your life. It’s also a place where cliques are the norm. With that said, I never really considered my circle of friends as a clique, because aside from our small group of 5, we also had friends outside of our circle. Nevertheless, image was a dominate aspect to think about in high school. And as I mentioned before, as much as I tried to dress up or no matter how confident I seemed, inside I was feeling so out of place because of my weight.
Finally, during my first 2nd year of college, I began to make slight changes to my diet and I started to become active. What’s intriguing was that I never made those changes with the intention of loosing weight. I simply wanted to just be more active and monitor my eating habits. I remember just getting on a scale and reading 192 pounds. After that, I weighed myself every week, and I saw gradual changes. My smallest weight was at 158 pounds. I went from a size 16 to a size 8/10. Below is a photo of my results – I apologize the “after” photo isn’t a very good one. To the right was during my brother’s wedding in the Summer of 2009, and to the left is of me trying on my bridesmaid dress a few months later. What’s amazing is that I never realized the amount of actual inches I lost, and muscles I gained, until after I put the dress on again (I was cleaning out my closet). I remember just being so… HAPPY.
That was 5 years ago. Within the past 5 years, I’ve gained a majority of my weight back – currently at 183 at 5’5. How in the world did I let this happen? I’m a college student with a part-time job, and many people say that’s probably the cause of my weight gain. But let’s just be real here. I lost weight from being LAZY and CARELESS. I didn’t care what went in my mouth and as a result, gained weight. While I still worked out (not as much as before), I kept eating crap and getting on a “diet” every other week, and I constantly wondered why the scale wouldn’t go down anymore. Now I experienced first hand what people mean when they say that inches are lost in the kitchen. I got too obsessed with the scale – around 2013, I would get on the scale almost everyday and hated that I was not longer loosing weight. Bad, BAD idea.
Today, as I finished my last final exam of this school quarter, I had a few hours to myself just to relax. I was browsing through old photos and stumbled at the one posted above. Seeing photos like this; photos of my before and afters, just opened up this entirely new sense of motivation for me. I need to get back into routine. I need to stop treating my this as a “diet” but a ROUTINE. Yes, I hate using that whole, “lifestyle change” statement lol I know starting a new “routine” is pretty much a lifestyle change, but hey, mentally, I find that word better suited for me. This is all mental, isn’t it ;)? Anyway, enough of my blabbering. What’s my plan for this new “routine?” Seeking help from an old friend who knows a thing or two about fitness (I’m all about cardio and I know I need to stop that lol) and researching food options! Every week, I’ll post my results. But because it’s the middle of the week already, I won’t post my first “week” of results/updates until next Monday, March 30th.
Have a great day and remember to be kind to everyone :)!